So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
