who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sarcasm needs its own font
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
