the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
