I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
