in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
