I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I just sharted jello shots
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
