Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
