I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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