I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
