he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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