So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
