that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
