I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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