question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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