I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
