Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
