....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
