y did u give ur computer a hand job?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
