Apparently you make a good broom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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