Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
