So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize