Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
