put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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