my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
