All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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