everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
