I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
