We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
