Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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