Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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