theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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