I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't give away my fajitas
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
