I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
