she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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