Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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