Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
