conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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