So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
