i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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