who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
