gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
