How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
