She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
