My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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