So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
