you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
