You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
