He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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