i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
