don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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