Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have post one night stand depression
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