The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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