Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was born a porn star she said
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
