I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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