I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
