never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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