Jerry, you need to find god
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
