idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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