for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
