Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My feet surprised me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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