The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
