You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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