I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
